On My Knees, Begging Please (Alfred)

[Los Angeles, California]

Sunlight filtered through stained glass, lighting the marble floor with beautiful color, like watery strains. Noon light made it seem almost as though the Catholic church were lit in colored water. Amongst this scene, one could see many people praying on their knees, holding rosaries to their chests, whispering quiet hail mary's. That was when a sound....a strange, almost foreign sound, broke the quiet air. The sound of a baby, not crying, but softly gurgling at the woman holding him.

She was a sight, knelt in the church, with her own fingers clutched about a rosary, and the child in her other arms, her knees touching the ground. Tears slowly were falling down her face, golden hair gracing features that seemed that of a model. Indeed, that was who she was. A child of the Church, a Model, and an agnostic who'd turned her back on God. Now, in need of guidance, of a hand to hold, Lyndsey Angeline Jones found herself in the church, eyes turned into the statue. God....she was.....terrified of being here. Of doing this.

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen." She whispered, before starting her real prayer, "God.....I don't know if...you even give a shit about some pathetic loser like me....and I know I'm not supposed to cuss in Church...but..." Taking a breath she looked down at her boy. Her beloved baby, "But I need help..." She hoped he'd hear her prayer...and maybe for once...answer it.

[America]

No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes
___________________

Alfred had never truly been very religious, at least, not after the Civil War had ended. While yes he still practiced the Catholic faith, attended church each Sunday, did everything as he should; it wasn't enough, would never be enough. It had felt as though his faith had been in vain, that even though he still believed and practiced, that God had turned his back on him. However, there were times when he felt as though he really and truly needed to go to the Church and just...Pray. Always when things were starting to get rough, when he was scared, when he just needed help. He needed guidance, he needed help. Now was one of those times even though he doubted that it would change anything.

So many changes were happening, and not just for him, but for everyone. More issues were arising with governments and money, more and more it seemed that they were being listened too less and less. Yeah, the politicians knew what was best for his people. All they cared about was lining their pockets. But now, he had other things to worry about now. He was a dad again. He was seriously a dad again. While he was excited, very excited, the worry crept into the pit of his stomach. All of the what ifs. What had happened before, being left to raise their then young son alone. What if it happened again? What if something happened with his economy again? All the what ifs.

That was what he was there for, mostly if anything, to help himself feel better even if nothing would come from it.

Closing the wooden door of the sanctuary behind him, the sight of the colored shadows on the floor, the alter, and the cross catching his attention for a brief second. The stained glass at this time always did at least give a more welcome presence, didn't it? He took in a deep breath and walked down the path in the middle of the prayer alters, taking in the sight of the few people who were actually there. One caught his eye though, someone who he thought he would never see in a place such as this.

Angel, with the...

Quietly walking down the row where she had knelt, kneeling in the spot one down from her. Clutching at his own rosary and bowing his head, his fingers began to rub at the wooden beads. "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou amongst men, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen." Whispering the soft prayer, his eyes opened as he turned his head toward Angel to give her a soft smile. "Never thought I'd see ya here kid."

You know I'm never far
Hear my whispers in the dark
___________________

[Los Angeles, California]

Her eyes had been on the wooden cross above her, as she quietly whispered her pathetic prayer, hoping beyond hope that maybe the God she'd never believed in could hear her. Not since the Mexican-American war had she done this. Her lips parted as the Lord's Prayer (in Latin, mind) found its way past her full mouth, "Pater noster qui es in caelis
sanctificetur nomen tuum
Adveniat regnum tuum, fiat voluntas tua,
Sicut in caelo et in terra.
Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie
Et dimitte nobis debita nostra,
sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris.
Ne nos inferas in tentationem;
Sed libera nos a malo-" She stopped when a whisper beside her caught her ear, and her head turned.


Blue eyes watered when the man she'd come to consider a brother and a father met her eyes, and she felt her hair fall into her face, as she whispered, "Al?" Hadn't he lost his faith as well? Hadn't he given up? Why was he here? In this place where all people were here for-....For comfort, of course. He was going through hell. Probably as much as she was. Angel honestly wondered if she should even be here....A sinner like her...."Hey..." Her smile was weak.

If the Priest had spoken to her, she would probably have been saying around thirty hail-mary's, and Angel knew it. She was.....She honestly wondered if she was worth God's time any more. The blond city gently shifted Jayden in her arms, soothing the small child back to sleep as she whispered "I had to see....I had...to...try....Maybe he'll hear me this time."

[America]

Going through this life looking for angels
People passing by looking for angels
_________________

He whispered his soft prayer while he waited for Angel to notice that he was actually there, his fingers clutching tightly to the beads wrapped around his hand with the cross dangling underneath. The Lord's Prayer, a prayer that had come to be more second nature whenever he came here.

"Our Father who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name;
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us;
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil...
For the kingdom,
the power and the glory are yours
Now and for ever
Amen."

Alfred didn't even know why he continued to repeat it every time he came here, but he did. Old habits died hard he guessed, it solved nothing. It fixed nothing. It was just going through the motions, that's all it had become when he came here to do this. Reciting the prayer in some way made him think that maybe, he was getting His attention so that maybe, He would listen. It was a stupid thought and a stupid wish, but that was what he had at least wanted to believe.

His smile remained small when she finally noticed that he was there, just listening to her as she spoke. So...She was here to see too. To see if He will actually listen, to bring guidance and comfort. That's all that anyone ever wanted, wasn't it? Hopefully, maybe now, it would actually come. At the very least...He hoped it would come for her. Angel needed it much more than he did. "Why you're here huh? To actually try and see if He will listen?" He asked, his voice growing no louder than a whisper as his head turned to look up at the cross hanging above the alter, now covered in the colors of the beams of the stained glass.

He was sure that she would find her answers here this time now that she was truly in a time of need. This time...He was fully sure of it, at least for her.

Walking down the streets looking for angels
Everyone I meet looking for angels
_________________

[Los Angeles, California]

Angel's eyes were wet, and her fingers were holding about her rosary, black and red beads pressed between the thin fingers of one hand. Her body was slightly thinner, the child clinging to her hair in his sleep. "....I....hope he still does....I haven't spoken to Him in hundreds of years." She whispered, clinging tighter to the beads, feeling them dig into her pale skin as she watched the sun sparkle over the wood of the cross. "I think....he's forgotten me by now. I think He's grown to hate me. I'm so gone..." Smiling sadly down at her baby, she sighed softly.

The girl whispered softly, looking at her son, "I just pray that it's not too late for Noah. I want him.....to be baptized. I know I'm a sinner.....not religious and all that...but..." She felt herself near sobbing, clinging to Noah Jayden Jones tighter, "But not my baby..Not my baby...."

[America]

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
________________

Alfred felt a twinge of helplessness when he saw the tears trail down her cheeks, watching as she clutched even tighter to the rosary beads. It was hard to watch her be like this; the girl who was always so strong, always so sure of herself to be so unsure and scared. As he listened to her speak, he just kept his eyes to the wooden cross as if he were trying to find answers in the figure's face. Maybe the face of the Lord would bring the answers to those questions, though it was something he actually doubted.

As he listened to her speak, his eyes fell closed behind the frames of his glasses. He understood fully what she had said, it had been a subject that he himself had been at odds with and battling with for years. He still believed that God no longer believed in him, yet he still tried to remain faithful even though with each day it continued to grow harder. Except for when those little miracles showed themselves. Those miracles coming in the form of their children, their relationships...Even though they were sinners, they still had those little miracles happen.

"It's not to late for ya Ange..." He whispered back, reaching over with his free hand to clasp his hand over hers. "He hasn't forgotten, 'cause think 'bout it this way...If he had forgotten 'bout ya and hated ya, think that you'd have Noah right now?" He hoped that it would at least give her something to think about, at the least, it wasn't to late for her. He wanted to make sure that it stayed that way.

"We're born sinners Ange, ya know that. Even though ya haven't spoken with Him in a while, I don't think that He forgot. Ya still have a chance, I know ya do. I won't let ya lose faith kid...'Cause right now...It's what ya need more than anything."

I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay
________________

[Los Angeles, California]

Her sniffle was almost pathetic as she kissed her baby's head, not even noticing as Alfred looked at her, and seemed to understand every single moment of what she said. She knew he'd had such a hard time with the same things, but nonetheless, she didn't think he'd understand. Pulling the child close to her chest, her lips gently pressed to his cheek, and she watched as he made a soft noise of protest. He was her miracle, the only thing left in her life (aside from Drystan) that made any sense. The only thing that seemed to have gone right in her life. When Al spoke, she listened with those eyes closed, her mouth gently rested on her child's forhead as the beads left indentions on her hand, "...You really think that, don't you....Who knows.....Maybe Noah's my chance....Maybe he's my way to atone for everything I've done wrong, and god knows it's too much to say."

Her blue eyes looked to him as he said that they all had a chance. He wouldn't let her lose faith? But...What if her faith was already lost? It had been gone so long ago...and honestly, Angel didn't know what to believe any more. She'd been swept up in the glamor of modeling, in the romances and the sex, in the touches of her lovers...in Alex. And after Alex, she'd been tugged into the currents of depression. She'd been dragged into the thought of what she was going to do with the baby....what she could lose....what she wanted to do to herself...but....

Maybe God was there in all this. Through the clouds of darkness, she'd found two lights to bless her weary mind. Beautiful Drystan with those eyes that told her with even just one glance that he loved her, and little Noah. Her blessing in the guise of a burden...her son...the boy that she loved more than anything. She'd save him even if it took her last breath, "I need faith...but I don't know if I have it. I know that maybe I've done something right finally, maybe....Maybe I haven't been completely lost....but...at the same time, Al. I've done so much wrong that I can't help but wonder....when will this one go away? When will I lose this one like I lost the others...thanks to my own mistakes?"

Before Alfred sat a broken woman....a woman desperate for healing...and finally finding her way home.

(So y'all know. Through this whole post I listened to Rascal Flatt's I Won't Let Go. The song not only fits this situation, but so much more ;3; ILU guys. You've been my own saving grace <3)

[America]

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
______________________

Alfred's hand gave hers a firm, comforting squeeze as a small smile had begun to form at the mere sight of her interaction with the little redhead in her arms. As much as he was sure that she didn't think that someone like him would understand what he was going through, that he wasn't having any kind of life-shattering problems or battles with his own thoughts or beliefs. He tried to keep the sort of thing to himself the best that he could, though in times like this, his own experiences and problems were being used to help another whom he cared for deeply. He hoped that she would begin to understand what he said and why he said it, all to help her. "Course I really think that, ya know that I wouldn't say it if I didn't."

It was true, if it was something that wasn't the complete and honest truth, then he wouldn't say it. He had had many trials in the past, the blood that stained his hands could never be washed off no matter how hard he tried. However, like Angel, there were those lights to lead him toward the right path again. His family and extended family. Toris, Daniel, and the twins. His brother. The old man and Eva. His states. They had been his rocks, the ones that he could turn too when everything went wrong. The ones that no matter what would have his back and be there for him even when he felt as though he were on his last legs and felt as though he couldn't go any further. Through the darkness and depression, he was always pulled back from it.

Always.

But now, it was his turn to bring the woman next to him back from that same darkness. To bring her back to the light that she so desperately needed and craved, though he was sure that it had already begun even without his advice or help. "Ange...If ya didn't have faith, then you wouldn't be here." He whispered back as he turned his head to look up toward the cross at the front of the sanctuary, rubbing his finger along her knuckles. "I wouldn't worry so much, just have faith and everything will work out just fine. You're not completely lost, you've just strayed a little from the path but you're comin' back to it now. I don't think you'll lose this one kid, and if it does happen...You've got your son. But if that guy is anything like the old man since yeah he's his brother or whatever, he won't abandon ya. If anything, ya might be surprised as to what would happen."

He felt like he was a shepard, bringing a lost sheep back to the right path. He could feel a sense of warmth filling the pit of his stomach, maybe through this, he would find his own way back.

I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go
______________________

A/N: I decided to use this song too, since it does have bearing both in this and also so much that has been happening in my own life. Guys, y'all have been my rock and my saving grace all these years through all of my hard times when I had no where else to turn...I love all of you so much...Thank you. For everything. <3

[Los Angeles, California]

It won’t be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won’t even know you're gone
______________________

The woman blinked as his hand squeezed hers, tears slowly fluttering to her big blues. Her fingers clung into her leg, her other arm gently holding the child who'd been clinging to her this whole time. The sound of him whining softly brought her attention away from her 'father', to this small bundle. Kissing his hair, she hummed a soft spanish lullaby, listening to Alfred talk. Continuing her hum, she remembered the few things that had kept her alive. Alex had been one of them....one....of the people closest to her heart. Now, with him gone, though, she'd searched long and hard for someone to love her. Then...in front of her eyes had appeared Drystan. Drystan who'd filled the hole that Alex had left...who'd saved her life...who'd reminded her that somewhere beneath all her darkness was a beautiful person.

All her life, Angel had been vain. She'd been the woman to envy, rich, beautiful, in the middle of all the BIG social circles. She'd been to Paris, Londen, Tokyo, Sydney...everywhere you could want to be in the world. The finest fashions, the best food, the most delicious wines. Everything was perfection. Her eyes watched the cross, and she murmured. "Being here has nothin' to do with faith, Alfred. It has everything to do with hope. Hope is the only thing that keeps someone like me going in their time of need. Especially when faith has been out of the picture since I was 17." This drew a hard laugh from the girl.

God had been out of her life since she was only a girl....Nothing more than a dream. Something hazy and distant like a long lost memory. The girl knew that somehow, whatever power was up there in this fucked up world of theirs, knew what she was doing....knew what she needed. She was more than ready for this war to be over....more...than ready.

This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won’t be like this for long
______________________

It Won't Be Like This For Long - Darius Rucker

[America]

Over and in, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is one

_______________________[/center]

Alfred remained quiet as she spoke, his thumb rubbing idly at the beads as if he himself were thinking. While he heard her words, it had come to be that they couldn't quite sink in with what she was saying. Hope. Such was a word that was so rarely heard nowadays, especially now when so many things were going wrong for all of them. Hope was at times all anyone ever had, something that once someone lost it, everything else shatters. So many times had he come to hope being all he had left, and so many times he had come so close to losing it. The times when situations looked hopeless, the times when he had to continue to push forward with a smile in an attempt to keep others morale up.

That's the way it had always been, he being the ever-optimistic one. Even when he was battered and beaten, he was always met with a smile and a laugh. Even that was his own burden to bear, something that he felt that he had to do. He was that bright light that kept others going, even when he wanted to do nothing more than just lie down and give up. "Heh...Sometimes that's all ya have left, huh?" He asked, looking back over toward her with a small smile.

He shouldn't even really be sitting here and giving her advice, if anything, he was a hypocrite. If it made her feel better though, it's what he could continue to do unless she actually wanted to know how he truly felt. Now would be as good a time as any, considering where they were and the circumstances surrounding it. "Look Ange, if you're only relying on hope alone, it can only hold ya for so long. Trust me on that, I'm sayin' that from experience." It was the least he could do, try and help her through his own experiences to help keep her from making the mistakes he made. That's all he ever really could do.

With all these things I've done
All these things that I've done

If you can hold on...If you can hold on...
_______________________