Dance in the Dark

[Argentina]

Baby loves to dance in the dark
'Cause when he's lookin' she falls apart
___________________

Some girls won't dance to the beat of the track
She won't walk away, but she won't look back...

It all should be easier than it actually is, she wasn't sure what even gave her the thought that it would be. But she did, though now the delusions were beginning to break. She wasn't sure what compelled her to leave in the middle of the night, to take to the streets; she guessed it was just so she could go for a walk around the neighborhood, attempt to clear her head, and just...Think. Creature of habit, despite how much she hated that fact. It had been something she had been doing to much of lately, having learned a long time ago that when she thought to much...Less than favorable things happened.

As they were now, putting them back to square one.

She remembered that day all to clearly, though many of the parts of it she wish that she hadn't. Called out of the blue, asked to come to London so they could talk. In hindsight, in some way she should have listened to her gut instinct that it wouldn't be a pleasant trip. In a way, she knew what would be said though she didn't want to believe it herself. Being told he was engaged, something inside of her just...Snapped. All she could really recall was anger, bitter emotions of feeling like she had been used and strung along for the past four hundred years...A gun, inability to breathe, black, a proposal, and a yes.

She knew why she said yes, jumping at the chance that she had been given. Since returning home in the early 90's, it all felt wrong. Completely wrong. There was nothing for her there, nothing more than bickering younger siblings and a what felt like a warehouse full of horrible memories that she had been struggling to get away from. Though it wasn't her only reason for saying yes.

Maybe it was for the love and acceptance that she had been searching so long for, either that or she was just being selfish she wasn't sure. She hated feeling this way, like being trapped between a rock and a hard place. She wasn't sure what to do, let alone what even to say even when she knew she couldn't do anything.

She wanted so badly for this to actually work, and not just for herself.

Arthur. For the past three hundred years, he had always been there even through her darkest hours...And God she loved him so much, with all her heart to the point where she would do anything for him. Though...Something just kept nagging in the back of her mind. That little voice, that horrible voice of doubt.

The nasty little voice that kept on with the claim that she was still being strung along, used, that he had no real interest in her even after all these years. That she only got asked to move to Europe for more ulterior motives, that she was blinded by her own emotions. That she was a mess and nothing more than a tramp who uses what she has in order to get what she wants and always has.

Just those little seeds of doubt were enough to make her feel light-headed and sick to her stomach. She knew that she had in the past, however whenever she did have too...It was out of necessity, but this time she knew it wasn't the case. She had never before put so much emotionally or of giving herself so completely to another person, she always kept a safe distance from others out of fear of getting hurt just like she always had whenever she got to close to anyone.

She guessed that was just how she was, she would have rather danced in the dark with strangers, ones that she knew she would gain no attachment to. She had learned long ago, if she gets to close then they will only slip through her fingers. But...That had changed. Glancing downward, she hadn't noticed until then that she was turning the ring on her finger...More than likely through her whole walk.

She would never openly admit it, but she was worried, nervous, and dare she say it...Scared. Very scared. She was so worried and scared that this dream that she had been hoping and praying for for so long would end. Her whole body was shaking, her legs soon giving underneath her before she fell back onto the sidewalk. Reaching upward, she finally felt that her cheeks were wet. She had been crying, damn it. If it was another thing that she despised more than being scared...It was being weak. She was the strong one. Always had been the strong one. Always had to be the strong one. Lately...She had to be for Arthur's sake, even though she was on the verge of a breakdown herself. Sucked it up and kept a strong face, just like she had always done.

Her eyes fell closed at the feel of the cool wind on her wet face, wiping off the tears from her cheeks and took a deep breath. It would be ok...Somehow or another, it would be ok. They'll make it through somehow, they always did. They would be alright...They would be ok. Taking a few deep breaths in order to calm herself to keep herself from getting worked up. Doing so was the last thing she needed, knowing full-well what would happen if she did.

Shakily pushing herself up to her feet and leaning against a nearby lightpost to help steady herself and regain her footing. Waiting till the dizziness passed, she pushed herself from the post and walked down the sidewalk. At least it was a nice night, and she wasn't to far from home. She took another breath to clear her mind as well as trying to keep herself from thinking anymore. She wasn't sure if she would even be able to handle it if she did.

You will never fall apart
Never let you fall apart
Together we'll dance in the dark
___________________