[ONESHOT] Undone (NYC ; January 04, 2011)

[nycnewyork]

Open up wide, Swallow down deep
No spoonful of sugar could make it sweet.
The cancer inside, stealing my sleep
Night after Night, it keeps haunting me.

The song blared over the radio, his hand gripped on the wheel of the car. Blue eyes glared at the stereo for only a moment, before training on a snow-covered road. The white substance fell heavily over his city, and where normally it would hold wonder and magic, all the young man saw were the gray skies. His mind was heavy with thought, each one worse than the last. A bar. He needed the sting of alcohol in his system about as desperately as a horse needed water after a long gallop. Despite the chill of the outside, he was warm, sitting behind the wheel of his only car, a FT-HS Hybrid, black, he sped down the road towards his favourite haunt. Screw the consequences right now. There were more important things on his mind....Namely a brunette...who'd haunted his every waking moment for the last few decades of his life, like the best nightmare Leo Jones had ever had.

The secrets I keep are tearing me up inside,
I try to hide them, and I wonder why.
I wonder why I'm still running,
when I know there's no escaping

As soon as he reached the bar, it was out of the car, locking it, then heading inside. In tight fitting jeans, a tight white tank, and his favourite leather jacket, he attracted very little attention in this flashy environment. Vaguely, he smiled at a young man near him, that flirty grin he gave when he was trying to forget everything. Forget everything with just a little bit of company...Company who always seemed to end up being brunettes. Sitting at the bar, he ordered three straight shots of whiskey, knocking them back one after the other. It was what he'd started to do, since it seemed to numb the pain. After that, Vodka tonic, and maybe some Tequila as time wore on.

Come undone, surrender is stronger
I don't need to be the hero tonight.
We all want love, we all want Honor,
Nobody wants to pay the asking price.

He gave in to everything after a few hours though. Fuck anything else. Fuck waiting, fuck wanting. He'd waited for the one he loved to come around, and eventually, Leo just couldn't handle it. Eventually, he was just ready to give up. So long as Ace was happy, Leo didn't see why he should stick his hand back into Ace's life. The other had made it pretty clear that sure, he respected him, but with the way Leo oft times acted, didn't want him about. So eventually, Leo Reid just gave up on it all. Because he had to face the fact that the man he loved was painfully straight, to the point where it was likely he would get no further than he had. Getting up from the bar, Leo let his lithe body shed its jacket, only to wrap it around his waist, starting to wind his way to the dance floor. He had to learn to let go of all of this....had to...

Fall on my knees, fall on my pride,
I'm tripping over all the times I've lied.
I'm asking please but i can see in your eyes,
That you don't need tears for alibis.

He let his body move to the music, his inebriated state making the room spin, and his eyes blur. After a while, though, Leo couldn't figure out if the blur was the tears in his eyes, or the alcohol, and he let himself sink into the music. Dancing came as naturally as breathing. When the brunette he'd seen earlier made his way over, the thing that slapped Leo in the face was one thought, /Ace.../ The young man wondered what his ward and friend was doing, if the other even thought about him any more. Would he see the Jersey boy's face everywhere? Would he keep aching like this so long as he loved Ace? Letting that thought fly, he took the other boy by the waist, pressing their bodies together...
And pretending.

It's true what they say, love must be blind,
It's why your still standing by this sinners side.
You're still by my side,
When all the things I've done have left you bleeding.

As soon as his lips pressed against the one in front of him, thoughts exploded into a myriad of illusions. He remembered the feeling of Ace's lips against his, and his drunk state let his senses feel what he wanted to right now. The body became the one of the young man he'd fallen asleep next to, the lips were the lips he knew, slightly chapped, but....so right. This all started to feel right, /Oh god...Ace..../ He vaguely heard the young man's voice, offering to take him home, "Yeah...would be *hiccup* wise. 'm a bit drunk." He felt a hand leading him out, and he wondered if the other would react the way he did the last time that Leo kissed him....the time he saw that look...the look of such terror....He was terrible....a horrible person.

Come undone, surrender is stronger
I don't need to be the hero tonight.
We all want love, we all want Honor,
Nobody wants to pay the asking price.

The car felt right too, and it wasn't til he saw the symbol til he realized this kid drove a Mustang as well. Not as nice as Ace's, but still....The familiarity was there. He hated himself for making all these comparisons. For letting himself believe whoever this New Yorker was, he was his Ace, just for the night....Just for a moment. With some misspoken directions, they were back at Leo's apartment in no time. Taking the other inside, he wasted next to no time, pressing lips gently to his, and gently starting to let the illusions take him into a happy delirium, one he prayed he never woke from. He didn't know if he'd loose himself tonight, he didn't know if he'd remember in the morning. But the momentary loss of that soul-wrenching pain....well, that was worth it.

Ohhhhhhhh
I don't think I can drive it home tonight
Ohhhhhhh
I don't think I want to be alone tonight

The night dragged on, and each time the pleasure took him to new heights, he called out the name of the man he loved. Sick as he thought it probably was, Leo wasn't caring any more. Neither was whoever he was with. Eventually, they finished, and he just lay himself down, letting his own body spoon around the other. For just one night, the loneliness that usually tore at him would leave him be. For one night, there would be no longing keeping him awake. He could be content....at least until morning came again, and he broke into that box of pent up emotion that often was kept behind his usual mask.

Come undone, surrender is stronger
I don't need to be the hero tonight.
We all want love, we all want Honor,
Nobody wants to pay the asking price.

When he woke in the morning, and saw the young man he'd brought home, his heart broke in two. The headache he already had doubled, and pounded, his own personal hell and retribution for what he'd done. As he stumbled into the bathroom, the alcohol loosing itself from his stomach violently, he berated himself mentally. There was no replacement for Ace, and this would just be another heart he broke in his longing and loneliness, and desperate attempt to have what he couldn't. As soon as he was able to look up, a fist slammed into a wall, and when golden eyes of the boy he'd brought home looked at him, a timid voice asking if he was okay, all Leo had to say was, "Go home.....Please....Just....go..." He wanted to be alone....
There was nothing that could fix this...

Come undone, surrender is stronger
I don't need to be the hero tonight.
We all want love, we all want Honor,
Nobody wants to pay the asking price.