Post by edinburghscotland on Nov 30, 2010 13:09:04 GMT -6
....Fuck I feel stupid doing this. I really do. Someone told me it would help me, so here goes.
Dear Journal,
I knew I could never leave him behind, from day one. When I was first introduced to Alex by mama…..I looked at him, and there was this connection. Back then, we were wild. There was forest everywhere, and Mama loved teaching me the things she knew. One day though….after that bastard Rome invaded….mother….she was gone. They told me she'd gone to sleep. Upset and feeling alone, my first reaction was to run out into the forest. I lived there with a few of my dogs, the ones I got with Scotland, back in the day. It felt right, being wild like that, with no one to govern me, but me. However…..I still remember the day the blond man showed up. He was strange, with his giant brows and serious nature. I remember being curious, because my dogs liked him.
Those dogs just don't like anyone. Moving over, he told me that his name was Arthur. Arthur Kirkland. Said he knew my brother. When he spoke Alexander's name, that was when I started paying attention. He told me that he knew I wanted to just go home. Told me he knew I wanted to stay with Alexander. Offering his hand, the last thing I really remember him saying was, "Come with me. You'll have a home again." When he asked for my name, all I could do was look. I'd forgotten how to respond. And he gave me a name. Meaghan Kirkland. It irritated me, because my name was Caelan, but I'd end up just adding it when I learned how to speak once more. When he brought me home, I couldn't help but be happy to see Alex. I jumped on him, hugged him, and he hugged me too.
We'd seen some pretty bad things, he and I….When Rome……Mother was unmarried, and didn't want him invading our lands. They met at our home….when he broke in, and….I don't know if he thought she wanted it or what, but he….well. Let's just say it's the reason I went mute. I didn't want to remember, but I guess it's safe here. I never want to remember again though, so don't ask me to. Soon, though, Alexander and I broke apart from him. We moved back to Scotland together, into that old house of ours, the one that Mother had built. Alex had it refurbished, and together, we restored it, back to how it should have been.
Being in the house though…..I guess it brought back memories. Memories of what happened to mother in the house…memories of her screaming…..memories of him….saying things. That man….The one I can never forgive. We'd sit at the dinner table, and his face would be haunted. Alex would look so sad. I tried, I really did. I wanted him to be happy, to love being around me, to…..to love me, I guess. The memories must have been almost too much though….because one day….he got really mad. He shoved me, yelling. I could smell alcohol, and his eyes were watering. Said he never wanted to remember what happened again.
With that, Alex just left. I was left….pretty alone, stuck in a house with no one, at age 15. Learning how to raise yourself is a hard chore. I harbored resentment towards my brother. I hated him so much for hurting me like that. Taking it so personally…..It gave me something to keep me going. The next time I saw Alexander Kirkland, I would show him. I didn't need him to keep me alive. I taught myself how to work, went out with my people, did work in the streets. I learned just what it meant to be a hard worker, and….I saw people worse off than me. Kids about 10 living on the streets. I would take one or two in, help them out, and get them started around town…because…I knew what it was like.
So, when Alexander showed back up at my door from time to time…..I told him I didn't want him there. The next time he showed up, I was 18. I had learned everything I needed to keep me afloat, I REALLY didn't need him any more….but at the same time….I wanted him close to me, I wanted him to stay with me. Just…when each time your brother comes home, his only excuse is that he needs a place to stay to fuck with one of the many girls he's brought by. The only damn reason I even find OUT about it, is because I wake up to HER in my bathroom. I'm so tired of it…..I just…..One of these days.
I swear I'll confront him. I swear he'll hear what I have to say….and he'll remember. It's what's for the best. Hopefully, he won't ever read this either...That's why I hid it, and why I only take it out to put in installments like this.
Caelan Meaghan Kirkland
Dear Journal,
I knew I could never leave him behind, from day one. When I was first introduced to Alex by mama…..I looked at him, and there was this connection. Back then, we were wild. There was forest everywhere, and Mama loved teaching me the things she knew. One day though….after that bastard Rome invaded….mother….she was gone. They told me she'd gone to sleep. Upset and feeling alone, my first reaction was to run out into the forest. I lived there with a few of my dogs, the ones I got with Scotland, back in the day. It felt right, being wild like that, with no one to govern me, but me. However…..I still remember the day the blond man showed up. He was strange, with his giant brows and serious nature. I remember being curious, because my dogs liked him.
Those dogs just don't like anyone. Moving over, he told me that his name was Arthur. Arthur Kirkland. Said he knew my brother. When he spoke Alexander's name, that was when I started paying attention. He told me that he knew I wanted to just go home. Told me he knew I wanted to stay with Alexander. Offering his hand, the last thing I really remember him saying was, "Come with me. You'll have a home again." When he asked for my name, all I could do was look. I'd forgotten how to respond. And he gave me a name. Meaghan Kirkland. It irritated me, because my name was Caelan, but I'd end up just adding it when I learned how to speak once more. When he brought me home, I couldn't help but be happy to see Alex. I jumped on him, hugged him, and he hugged me too.
We'd seen some pretty bad things, he and I….When Rome……Mother was unmarried, and didn't want him invading our lands. They met at our home….when he broke in, and….I don't know if he thought she wanted it or what, but he….well. Let's just say it's the reason I went mute. I didn't want to remember, but I guess it's safe here. I never want to remember again though, so don't ask me to. Soon, though, Alexander and I broke apart from him. We moved back to Scotland together, into that old house of ours, the one that Mother had built. Alex had it refurbished, and together, we restored it, back to how it should have been.
Being in the house though…..I guess it brought back memories. Memories of what happened to mother in the house…memories of her screaming…..memories of him….saying things. That man….The one I can never forgive. We'd sit at the dinner table, and his face would be haunted. Alex would look so sad. I tried, I really did. I wanted him to be happy, to love being around me, to…..to love me, I guess. The memories must have been almost too much though….because one day….he got really mad. He shoved me, yelling. I could smell alcohol, and his eyes were watering. Said he never wanted to remember what happened again.
With that, Alex just left. I was left….pretty alone, stuck in a house with no one, at age 15. Learning how to raise yourself is a hard chore. I harbored resentment towards my brother. I hated him so much for hurting me like that. Taking it so personally…..It gave me something to keep me going. The next time I saw Alexander Kirkland, I would show him. I didn't need him to keep me alive. I taught myself how to work, went out with my people, did work in the streets. I learned just what it meant to be a hard worker, and….I saw people worse off than me. Kids about 10 living on the streets. I would take one or two in, help them out, and get them started around town…because…I knew what it was like.
So, when Alexander showed back up at my door from time to time…..I told him I didn't want him there. The next time he showed up, I was 18. I had learned everything I needed to keep me afloat, I REALLY didn't need him any more….but at the same time….I wanted him close to me, I wanted him to stay with me. Just…when each time your brother comes home, his only excuse is that he needs a place to stay to fuck with one of the many girls he's brought by. The only damn reason I even find OUT about it, is because I wake up to HER in my bathroom. I'm so tired of it…..I just…..One of these days.
I swear I'll confront him. I swear he'll hear what I have to say….and he'll remember. It's what's for the best. Hopefully, he won't ever read this either...That's why I hid it, and why I only take it out to put in installments like this.
Caelan Meaghan Kirkland