Post by North Korea on Nov 24, 2010 11:48:48 GMT -6
Even from far away, North Korea can distinctly hear the loud explosions and rain of gunfire. His troops had fired and shelled a South Korean island on the border of the Yellow Sea without his knowledge. He knew he wasn't trusted anymore, but this was ridiculous. Things like this should have been brought to his attention first! What the hell was happening? Does his power-hungry, war-freak of a boss want another fucking war that already killed thousands of his and his brother's people?
The casualties have risen to four dead, eighteen injured. He wanted to go to the island, but he wasn't allowed to. In fact, he was confined to his house for the time being; therefore, he couldn't even go to Danny when he needed to. Phones were wired and tapped, he couldn't risk it.
Sitting by the window and peering outside, the peaceful surroundings in his backyard betrayed and masked the fact that there was conflict going on between his and his brother's bosses and people again. This was the first firing from both sides since 1953. No, it wasn't really the first. He remembered that his soldier had fired once about two months ago and killed a South Korean soldier. He should have known that was a precedent for something... Something far more destructive and widespread. And this was the event that he dreaded, but expected. They were in peace for a long time despite having a mere ceasefire agreement, for such a long time in fact that he knew it was too good to be true. And it was indeed too good to be true.
Rubbing his temples to ease the pain that was threatening to form, he left his vigil by the window and closed the curtains, rendering his house completely dark. He didn't want to see anyone or anything. And no matter how much he didn't want to, he could still hear the shelling and bombing happening at the island. Punching a nearby wall, he bit his lip in anger until it bled. But he couldn't care less- he knew his troops, who were brainwashed by Kim Jong Il, are suffering over at that island right now. Far more than he himself was suffering.
There was one thought that never left his mind, though. One thought.
Sooner or later, he was going to go against his brother. Again.
Even though he vowed never to point a gun at the other again, never to kill any of his people again, never to hurt him again... He knew he was going to have to do it again. He should have thought about this before he made the promise to his precious brother. He should have remembered that an armistice was never signed, only a ceasefire. He should have remembered. And now, he knew he was going to have to break that promise. Deep inside, he knew. But the idea of being able to see, talk, hug his brother again made him gamble and take the chances.
And this time, he knew he had lost the bet.
Clenching his fist, he swallowed back tears that were threatening to fall as he went up to his room, slamming the door closed. He opened his closet, where his pristine, well-kept uniform was kept. Removing it from its coat hanger, he wrestled his way out of his clothes as he put on his uniform, complete with hat, boots, gloves, everything.
And for the first time... He looked at the mirror like he had never done before.
North Korea was, by nature, a vain person. He always looked in the mirror before going out to work, making sure that everything was immaculate and in order. He always made sure not a thread was out of place, not a single button was unbuttoned, not a single crease was to be seen. However, this time... He looked past the uniform, and looked at himself. For the first time, he was looking at himself.
Is this... is this really who I am? North Korea looked at himself from head to toe in disgust. His own uniform disgusts him. To him, being in his uniform always seemed to signify that he was a power-hungry war freak like his boss. And he knew that was what the other nations thought of him as well. Though he may seem rigid, proper, formal... under all that lies a broken man. No, a broken boy. A broken boy hidden behind a uniform to make himself look strong, intimidating, when he was far from being so.
How he wished he knew how to pray. He just wanted to ask for help from a being he knew was more powerful than him; someone who he knew could help him, answer his prayers. But he knew it was futile. He had lost his faith a long time ago, lost his faith when his prayers about not going into war with his brother had not been answered. For he realized, at that time, that not even the gods, no matter whom they are or from what religion they are, can help him. Not even gods or any supernatural being have any control over what’s happening… and, inevitably, what’s going to happen.
And now, he knew he had to decide. He knew he had to decide whether to let this boy, no, this man in uniform define who he is, or whether he should stay the same Dae Jyun that those close to him had come to know, including his brother. He had a split second to decide, a split second to weigh the pros and cons of each side.
And he had chosen.
The man in uniform. The strong, formal, rigid, stoic military man in uniform. That is who he is, and who he will remain to be for as long as he should, which he sincerely hopes isn't forever. Though, not even he is sure that it will ever end.
Furrowing his brows in complete and utter seriousness, he adjusted his tie one more time and decided to go out for a walk. At this point, he really didn't care where he'll end up in. He didn't even care, really, if he landed in South Korea and get arrested or something. He didn't care about anything anymore.
He was hopeless. There was nothing to do. He was powerless against his own boss, his own nation, his own people, those who desire to see South Korea dead. He was powerless and hopeless, and there was nothing he could do about it.
He knew that he was going to have to lock his heart again. He was going to have to be the stoic, unfeeling machine from so many years ago. He was going to be the same person from 1950, because he needed to be. He needed to be for the sake of his brother. He figured that if he kept his brother away, then he wouldn't need to be hurt physically or emotionally. If he kept his distance, he could shoulder the burden alone. If he kept his brother away, he alone could bear all of the emotional pain, and his brother could remain the happy, innocent boy that he is, the innocent boy that he himself never became.
Which meant that... that he had to avoid his brother at all costs. Make sure he doesn't bump into him, not even in UN meetings. He had to make sure he didn't meet him under ANY circumstance.
Because if he did... he knew it was going to hurt. For both of them. Especially for the younger.
And he had to keep everyone else away, too.
He chose this path, the path he must tread alone.
He wasn't going to let anybody suffer again. He was going to stop his boss personally if he had to.
He was ready to give his life, if he had to.
He produced an inscription from inside his pocket, an inscription he knew spoke to him about himself. He didn't know Latin, but he had it translated... and he knew this was going to be his outlook on life from now on.
"Si deus me relinquit, ego deum relinquo. Solus oppressus nigram clavem habere potest, omnias ianuas praecludo, sic omnias precationes obsigno. Sed, qui me defendet, ab me terribilissimo ipse?
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Lyrics from "Si Deus Me Relinquit"- Kuroshitsuji OST.
Translation:
If God has forsaken me,
Then I shall forsake God, too.
Only the oppressed may possess a black key.
I close all doors,
Thus I seal away all prayers.
However,
Who protects me
From the me who is most terrible?
